Here are some singles and albums in the shops this week, with sound effects suggesting how well they might do in this Sunday's chart. Remember, it's all relative — so one act's ding is another act's honk…
The Twang — 'Eitherway'
{mp3}bell{/mp3}
Marilyn Manson — 'Heart-Shaped Glasses'
{mp3}foghorn{/mp3}
LCD Soundsystem — 'All My Friends'
{mp3}foghorn{/mp3}
The Zimmers — 'My Generation'
{mp3}foghorn{/mp3}
Pigeon Detectives — 'Wait For Me' (album)
{mp3}bell{/mp3}
R Kelly — 'Double Up' (album)
{mp3}foghorn{/mp3}
Infernal — 'From Paris To Berlin' (album)
{mp3}foghorn{/mp3}
Ross Copperman — 'Welcome To Reality' (album)
{mp3}foghorn{/mp3}
It is probably safe to say that this is not the most exciting week in chart history.