Sandi Thom's Real Tooting

A couple of years ago, when Sandi Thom released her first hit single in a whirlwind of dodgy claims about webcasts from a Tooting basement, we stuck the single sleeve to the office wall as an example of terrible pop music and wrote a 'hilarious' guide to Sandi Thom's Tooting.

Anyway, in honour of the fact that Sandi's comeback single 'Devil's Beat' arrived in the office and was deemed 'quite good' by more than one person — plus the fact that we met her a few months ago and she turned out to be quite nice — we thought we'd get the real lowdown on what they're all calling 'the Monte Carlo of South West London'.

So now we present to you the Popjustice viewer Sandi Thom's real life guide to Tooting.

HOLD ON TO YOUR HATS!

	DOWN THE TOOTING SIDE STREETS THAT SHE SLIPS DOWN "If I cover up the 'B' in 'Broadwater' nobody will know that I live on Broadwater Road," Sandi muses, sadly forgetting that she is speaking 'on the record'.
	WE'VE GOT TO PRAY JUST TO MAKE IT TODAY This is not the actual church Sandi goes to — that one's round the corner, but nobody is of a mind to traipse around Tooting looking for it.
	ALL THE THINGS SHE SEED Sandi frequently visits this health store, which goes by the name of 'The Health Store'. She goes there to buy healthy items.
	I WISH I WAS A PUNK ROCKER WITH FLOWERS IN MY HAND STANDING IN THE STREET IN TOOTING Here's Sandi standing outside her favourite Tooting pound shop. These flowers look real but they are not.
	BROOM! SHAKE THE ROOM Still outside the pound shop, community-spirited Sandi sweeps up some litter from the streets. If everyone in London took this attitude to litter — and to CRIME — the streets would be a lot more safe. We can all learn something from Sandi.
	WHEN I ARGUE I SEE SHOPS Style, fashion, value. Three words to describe Primark, but also three words to describe Sandi Thom's new album.
	YOU — I WANT TO TAKE YOU TO A GAY BRA After much browsing in Primark, Sandi opts for a blue bra on her head. She decides against a white bra on her head, as that would just look ridiculous.
	UNDERWEARING MY ROLEX Some novelty musical knickers. The waistband reads "I'm with the band". Do you think real groupies wear these knickers? How disappointing to be a rock musician having dragged a young lady back to one's hotel room and to be grinding away, only to look over her shoulder and notice an "I'm with the band" waistband. Not a problem Sandi will encounter — she's not a lesbian.
	I KNOW YOU GOT SOLE Sandi simply can't believe the bargains to be had in this cutprice shoe emporium.
	THE GREATEST LOVE OF MARKET STALL Sandi is hoping to get some bargains at Tooting Market. Sadly, it is closed.
	JUST LIKE ME THEY LONG TO BE CLOSE TO THE TUBE Sandi's house is a short, two-minute walk from Tooting Broadway tube station, with fast connections to Balham, Clapham North and beyond.
	I'VE GOT THE KEY, I'VE GOT THE SECRET TO GETTING SHOES RE-HEELED WHILE I WAIT Sandi has used this keycutting place more than once.
	WISHING I HAD A PHOTOGRAPH OF YOU IN UNDER ONE HOUR Sandi is a keen amateur photographer and will frequently get her prints developed at the Tooting branch of Snappy Snaps.
	PARK THE HERALD ANGELS SING Until very recently Sandi parked her car in this car park for a nominal fee, but things have since changed and she has been forced to purchase a parking permit. On the up-side, she can now park outside her house. "My car hasn't been broken into yet," Sandi notes.
	YOUR KISSES ARE CHARITY SHOP Visiting her local charity shop, Sandi discovers that clothes she donated a few weeks ago are now actually ON DISPLAY. Sandi seems pleased with this outcome. And for you, the reader, this is an opportunity to speed down to Tooting and pick up what is essentially a piece of rock and roll history. Get there fast, though — the team from the Hard Rock Cafe, desperate for some genuine Sandi Thom memorabilia to place in a cabinet, might beat you to it.
	SECOND HAND JEANS ARE NOT MY LOVER Sandi pretends to browse some jeans in the charity shop but really she's just posing for a photograph.
	EVERY LITTLE THING SHE DOES IS FABRIC Here's Sandi standing outside a material shop.
	AIN'T TOO PROUD TO VEG A fruit and vegetable place where Sandi can occasionally be found.
	HAPPINESS IS A WARM BUN Sandi eats an apple and poses for a photograph — a true multitasking artist for these modern, 360-degree-deal times.
	CARLESS WHISPER This is where Sandi parks her car these days. We had a look in the footwells when she wasn't looking and we can report that she treats that car like a dustbin on wheels.
	SINCE U BIN GONE Here's an actual dustbin. We're not sure what Sandi's doing in this photograph. Any ideas?