T4 ON THE BEACH 2007

A special report from Dumper, our work exper­i­ence robot

We were in two minds about sending Dumper off to T4 On The Beach. He'd never been to any sort of outdoor music event before but he informed us that it would be fine and that there was nothing to worry about.

He ended up getting himself arrested and we spent most of Sunday fielding furious calls from PRs and label managers asking what the hell was going on.

We apologise to everyone, but here's Dumper's report…

"hgere I am, tghis is Me in the backstafe 'PRES AREA', this is where journist's like me, spend most of our day, it is nic, there isfree water and some coffe and tea. Here you can see Me standing, in front of a list of every body who is perofming! STAR STUDED!!"
"This is my having my first 'WALK AROUND;', of the day, behind me you can see the 'main stage', there was another one too but it was very far awya and I did not really know any of those bands on it, it was for 'new music', I dont like new msuic because I dont know how it goes!!!LOl"
"Back in the pres tent, with Calbin Harris, hedid not want to have hi's picture taken with me he siad it would be silly, it made me a bit sad :( LOL "
"LOL!!!!"
"LOOOLL!!!!!"
"I love you Sophie!!!!!"[youtube]4JsPuyg23vg[/youtube]
"The VIP area, the entrance to it. Idid not have aces to this, aprerartly therewere lot's of famous people, in it, no odubt quafing chamgange while us lot did all the work LOL"
"Me with NicholasHalt from Skin's, he is the one in the green LOL he was quit handsome, I did not noticeof course (i am not gay) but there were lot's of girl's talking to him most of the time he was ther, so that must be because he is hansome."
"Ther were lot's of pictures of celebrity's with white stuff allover them backstage, there was a pho­to­graph of Simone Webb too, it was veyr confusing I once sure a video of a man with white thing's all over him it scared me"
"BY the side of the stage, I tryed to go on it but the nasty man in the bright ornage top stopped me, it was a suiprise when he siad he worked there becuase I thought he was in Houeken! LOL"
"This is Girls Aluod, I love them, I tried to meet them after­wards but they walked away :("[youtube]saWZMlak5fM[/youtube]
"Me withan indie band, I didnt know who theywere I dont like Indie but theysaid they were looking for some pigeon's, i did not see nay pigeon's on T4Onthe Beach but I did sea some seegulls, they were big!!"
"Fame at last!!!LOL HereI am being inter­viewd by nice lady's from TV Hits, I love TV hits it is my faourvite magazine"
"After I was­in­ter­viewd, one of the men in the press tent said, "I think all the TV journ­al­ists and radio journalists's would like to interview you too, why don't you go out then come back in again and everyone will interview you like you are a popstar", I thought that would be great!!! But then this happened"[youtube]7yoFZrIvMPs[/youtube] "It was really embrasas­ing and then all the TV and radio people came back inand laughed at me :("
"This is me wiuth Akon, I am glad he did not takeme on stage, i Saw a vbideo of him fighting with a girl on a stage once it was very sad"
"Here is akon again, with a girl bvut he is not hurting her"
"Just Jack,m he did not want to have his pho­toghraph taken with me either but I still had "starsin my eyes" LOL"
"Tiem fora well earned rest!!!"
"Dawn from Eastender's, lot's of the man photographer's in there were very exicited they said she had a nice breast I did not see it I was looking for Nicholas holt outside"
"This is the indieband 'Houdokn' , oneof them looked a bit like Nocholas Holt, i wanted to meet himbut he said he had to go somehwere else :("
"Dizzy Rascal tyhe famous "Grim MC" "
"THis is Dizzyagain but a better picture"
"Just 'chillingout; LOL (I am in a frig!)"
"Thiswas very sad,they didnot listen to me, it was just a misunurstanding, all it was thati was going to hgo and say hello to Nicholasholt, he saw me and walked away, i ran after him, then I tripped and fell over onto him then my eye's started flashing and he scremed and everyeon was looking over and my eye's were flashing still and he was still screming then he started to be angry, all I wanted to do was say helo because I like him but it all went wrong then the foz cmae and they were sayting "we hvae been hving reports that a robot fighting your descri­tion has been folowing popstar's andNIcholas Holt said "yes and he was been stalk­ingme" and I said "well for oe thing I am nota robot so you are wrong about that and alsowhy would Istalk Nicholas Holt I am not gay" and evyeone was lauhgign at me and thenthe pollice said "we areoging to haveto ask you to come wiht us,weare going to have to tell your parent's" and I said "I have not got any I am an orphan it isvery sad" but evyeone was still laihgin and then the man from the press tent whjo Ithougt was my friend said "yes officer take him away he has been annoying" and it felt like my worldwas ending then i Saw Akon laughing at me but Iwas still on top of Nicholas Holt then I was scrab­bling around on his front him tryingto get up but thenI saw some of the white stuff from the Simomn Webbe picture come outof his trousers I didn't klnow what was happning and I cried"