JESUS CHRIST. Look at the state of the image we've put at the top of this page. What a shambles! We thought it was going to look quite nice but by the time we realised it was a lost cause we were too far in to look back. Fiasco.
Anyway, here are the results of the 2014 Popjustice Readers' Poll. Once again there were thousands of votes, which was nice in a way but it would have been easier if there had been precisely 100 because that would have helped in terms of calculating percentages and figuring out the top tens. If you're thinking of voting next year, please ask around and check that no more than 99 other people have already completed the form.
And without further 'ado':
Best single
1. Sia — ‘Chandelier'
2. Charli XCX — ‘Boom Clap'
3. Taylor Swift — ‘Shake It Off'
4. Ariana Grande feat Iggy Azalea — ‘Problem'
5. Katy B — ‘Crying For No Reason'
6. Ella Henderson — ‘Ghost’
7. Kiesza — ‘Hideaway'
8. Mark Ronson feat Bruno Mars — ‘Uptown Funk'
9. Rita Ora — ‘I Will Never Let You Down'
10. Marina & The Diamonds — ‘Froot'
Notes: One person voted for Molly’s Eurovision entry 'Children Of The Universe'.
Worst single
1. Magic! — ‘Rude'
2. Meghan Trainor — ‘All About That Bass'
3. Band Aid 30 — ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas?'
4. Sam Smith — ‘Money On My Mind’
5. Cheryl — ‘Crazy Stupid Love'
6. Union J — ‘You Got It All'
7. Jennifer Lopez feat Iggy Azalea — ‘Booty’
8. Cheryl — ‘I Don’t Care’
9. will.i.am feat Cody Wise — ‘It’s My Birthday'
10. Nicki Minaj — ‘Anaconda'
Notes: Good to see some love here for Sam Smith’s bore-off artistry anthem ‘Money On My Mind’ — the only song in 2014 to include the line “when I go home, I tend to close the door”.
Best album
1. Taylor Swift — ‘1989'
2. Sia — ‘1000 Forms Of Fear’
3. Ariana Grande — ‘My Everything'
4. Tove Lo — ‘Queen Of The Clouds'
5. Lana Del Rey — ‘Ultraviolence'
6. La Roux — ‘Trouble In Paradise'
7. Lily Allen — ‘Sheezus'
8. Kylie Minogue — ‘Kiss Me Once'
9. FKA Twigs — ‘LP1'
10. Azealia Banks — ‘Broke With Expensive Taste’
Notes: Bad news for U2 in this category but fear not, the iTunes-invading pop funsters make further appearancea later in the poll.
Worst album
1. Jessie J — ‘Sweet Talker'
2. U2 — ‘Songs Of Innocence'
3. Cheryl — ‘Only Human'
4. Iggy Azalea — ‘The New Classic'
5. Sam Smith — ‘In The Lonely Hour'
6. Nicole Scherziner — ‘Big Fat Lie'
7. Calvin Harris — ‘Motion'
8. Ed Sheeran — ‘X'
9. Jennifer Lopez — ‘AKA'
10. Neon Jungle — ‘Welcome To The Jungle'
Notes: In a way it’s unfair to say Jessie J’s album is the very worst of the year. On the other hand, how easy would it be to find someone who’d stand in front of a room full of people and claim that ‘Sweet Talker’ was in any way the best? Not that easy, that’s how easy.
Most absurd use of major label cash
1. Rita Ora
2. Union J
3. Jessie J
4. Cheryl
5. U2
6. Taylor Swift
7. Sam Smith
8. One Direction
9. Lady Gaga
10. Bang Bang specifically
Notes: It’s a shame, really, that there was no big ‘Rihanna 777’ blowout this year. (Not sure if we’ve mentioned it on the site over the last few months but Rihanna didn’t actually put an album out in 2014. She might release on in 2015, she might not; we're not too fussed either way really.)
Major artist with disappointing music most at odds with ability to achieve better
1. Cheryl
2. Calvin Harris
3. Lady Gaga
4. Katy Perry
5. Jessie J
6. Nicole Scherzinger
7. Shakira
8. The Saturdays
9. Lily Allen
10. One Direction
Notes: :(
Best comeback
1. Ed Sheeran
2. Taylor Swift
3. Kate Bush
4. La Roux
5. Azealia Banks
6. McBusted
7. The Veronicas
8. Jessie Ware
9. Marina & The Diamonds
10. Ariana Grande
Notes: It was cheering to see Ed Sheeran do well this year. What lessons can be learned from Ed’s success? Just one lesson, really, but it’s a big one: if you stop making shit music, people will stop saying you make shit music. THE END.
Worst attempt at a solo career
1. Cheryl
2. Fergie
3. Lea Michele
4. Nicole Scherzinger
5. Nick Jonas
6. Kian Egan
7. Amelle
8. Jason Orange
9. Michelle Williams
10. Ashley Roberts
Notes: Poor old Lea Michele. It was only a year ago that it seemed like she might do quite well in 2014. Still, at least she didn’t have to grab hold of her cock in the hope that a few chaps might get hot under the collar. Mainly because she doesn’t have a cock, but also because she’s not Nick Jonas.
Best new act to properly get going in 2014
1. Tove Lo
2. Sam Smith
3. Ariana Grande
4. Charli XCX
5. Ella Henderson
6. Kiesza
7. Tinashe
8. Clean Bandit
9. 5 Seconds Of Summer
10. Years & Years
Notes: Some confusion here over what ‘get going’ means but eight of these ten artists are amazing and the other two are technically decent, so not a bad selection.
Most ridiculous recording artist
1. Iggy Azalea
2. Pitbull
3. Jessie J
4. Lady Gaga
5. Nicki Minaj
6. Meghan Trainor
7. Rita Ora
8. will.i.am
9. Ariana Grande
10. U2
Notes: Some of these artists are amazing partly because of their towering ridiculosity. Others… Not so much.