GERMANY V GHANA
Guest referee:
Nick Levine — Online Editor, Attitude
Andreas Kümmert — ‘Rocket Man’ (The Voice)
“How to put this sensitively? Um…Louis Walsh would never tell Andreas Kümmert that he "looks like a popstar". Because Andreas Kümmert doesn't look like a popstar; Andreas Kümmert looks like a guy you'd find at a truckers' diner in Kentucky washing down a weighty plate of ribs with a cheeky pitcher of beer and looking perfectly happy about it, thanks very much. Luckily, because this is The Voice none of this matters — Andreas sings 'Rocket Man' very well indeed, much better than Elton 'Bark It Out' John can these days — and so this performance is a roaring success. He's probably sold about 37 downloads since, of course, but he'll have sold those 37 downloads with authenticity and integrity, and that's what really matters in today's super sustainable musical industry. I do like that his beard isn't even 1% hipster, though — it reminds me of 2007.”
Eshun — 'Big Spender' (The X Factor)
“Eshun isn't the best singer in the world — big deal, neither is J.Lo, and last Saturday me and a grande frappucino spent an amazing three hours watching her classic "promo clips" on YouTube. No, the problem with Eshun's performance of 'Big Spender', the song made famous by Shirley Bassey on various ITV An Audience With… specials, is that it's just not ridiculous enough. Eshun looks as though she's trying to dial down her natural diva-ishness, and that's nothing short of tragic. She probably wants to turn the song into a '90s house banger, or perform 'Big Spender' as a mash-up with Madonna's 'MDNA' deep cut 'Love Spent', but instead she plays it straight, with only some shit shimmies and a vocal run filled with vibrato abuse to add character. Eshun, babes, you should have gone the full Kitty Brucknell on this song — if you had, maybe you too would be in a position to tweet at Deliverance asking for a free takeaway two-and-a-half years after you finished sixth on The X Factor."
Nick's full time score:
Germany 0 — Ghana 1
Now you can vote for your own favourite.
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