NIGERIA V ARGENTINA
Guest referee:
Rob Fitzpatrick — Professor of Philosophy at the University of Spotify
Beyoncé — 'Arise, O Compatriots'
“Beyoncé is a kind lady, isn’t she? “I want to give you all a little gift,” she trills, as she launches — with a peculiarly wobbly sort of gumption — into Arise, O Compatriots, Nigeria’s national anthem (since 1978, which means it’s only three years older than Queen Bey). As gifts go, this is up there with an ill-fitting jumper, or a £5 Amazon voucher. You smile politely, say thanks and, y’know, appreciate the thought (such as it was), but it’s not exactly a game changer. Break the track down and what do you have? The sort of twonkly piano that an old lady with an ear-trumpet plays while the collection plate goes round a half-empty church and Bey-Bey giving it lungs over the top. And that’s it. Will anyone ever listen to it more than once (apart from me, I’ve listened to it eight times now)? No. Are you going to wake up whistling it? No. Does it make you feel #emosh? No. Conclusion: not the finest NA in the tournament. "That was for y’all!" Beyoncé gushes as the track terminates itself. Thanks! You shouldn’t have.”
Brandon October — 'Canción Patriótica'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbuPPmf5DUI
“Authored in 1813 by Vicente López y Planes, an Argentinian writer, politician and all-round cerveza-swilling, lady-killing, banter-merchant and smoking-hot cocksman par excellence (I made some of this up, sorry), Canción Patriótica means, literally, Patriotic Song. For that does-what-it-says-on-the-sheet-music brilliance alone Argentina’s NA is way out in front here. I don’t pretend to know what yer man Brandon’s quacking on about, tbh — I don’t speak German or whatever language it is they juggle with over there — but the choon is suitably stirring. Frankly, it made me want to spin a crinoline-clad uber-babe around a glittering ball-room full of bubbles-quaffing toffs as we both laughed out loud and witticisms fell from my lips like spittle from an over-worked bull-dog. While it’s true that I don’t want to hear this thing ever again, I enjoyed Canción Patriótica while it lasted. God bless you, Argentina, you absolute #winner, you."
Rob's full time score:
Nigeria 0 — Argentina 1
Now you can vote for your own favourite.
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