BRITISH MALE SOLO ARTIST
Damon Albarn
Ed Sheeran
Sam Smith
George Ezra
Paulo Nutini
Who should win: George Ezra really isn't as bad as he seems on paper, but nor is he quite as good as he seems on Twitter. So from this shortlist the Popjustice pick would be Ed Sheeran, who's released three great singles, a partially great album, and exists in 2015 as proof that you can't ever really write someone off because any popstar, even the very worst popstars in the world, might one day simply decide to simply stop being crap.
Who will win: You'd imagine Universal have more votes than Warners so presumably this one will go to Sam Smith.
BRITISH FEMALE SOLO ARTIST
Ella Henderson
FKA Twigs
Jessie Ware
Lily Allen
Paloma Faith
Who should win: FKA Twigs is probably a future Brit-winner — let's return to that when her tunes are as great as everything else about her — but we're going for Jessie Ware in 2015.
Who will win: Brits voting is split into two different types of vote. In some categories — like the Sam/Ed faceoff for British Male — voting's likely to concern itself with labels wanting to show off about the Important Male Artists who've conquered the world. In this category it feels like there could be more of a sense of 'which artist would benefit most from a Brit win?'. It's a fair question. Ella, Lily and Paloma are hardly unknowns, which leaves FKA Twigs and Jessie Ware. Both fine artists of course, but it's hard to imagine FKA Twigs' style appealing to the Brits panel. We're saying this could be a win for Jessie Ware — everyone thinks she's good, nobody has any reason not to vote for her, most people agree her music deserves a wider audience. Failing that — and for a contrasting set of reasons — Paloma.
BRITISH GROUP
One Direction
Royal Blood
Clean Bandit
Alt J
Coldplay
Who should win: We actually feel that Royal Blood have done the most to justify a win in this category but let's be honest, their music's a right old racket. So let's go for One Direction who made an excellent album even though they didn't even need to.
Who will win: We're predicting a surprise win for Clean Bandit, and if something else happens on the night we'll simply come back and edit this post.
BRITISH BREAKTHROUGH
Chvrches
FKA Twigs
George Ezra
Royal Blood
Sam Smith
Who should win: Well Chvrches are the best of the lot here aren't they?
Who will win: This one's a public vote so we suppose is open to manipulation if, for instance, the indie brigade decide they want to make a point regarding Royal Blood. But it feels like Sam Smith will win most of the awards he's been nominated for, even though we'd argue Royal Blood and George Ezra both had more breakthroughy 2014s.
BRITISH SINGLE
Calvin Harris — Summer
Clean Bandit ft Jess Glynne — Rather Be
Duke Dumont ft Jax Jones — I Got U
Ed Sheeran — Thinking Out Loud
Ella Henderson — Ghost
George — Ezra Budapest
Mark Ronson ft Bruno Mars — Uptown Funk
Route 94 ft Jess Glynne — My Love
Sam Smith — Stay With Me
Sigma — Nobody to Love
Who should win: Mark Ronson and Bruno Mars — the best song here (with 'Ghost' and 'Thinking Out Loud' close behind). The Sigma single might have stood a chance if they'd bothered writing verses.
Who will win: Don't forget that, as usual, Best Single is another of the categories the Brits don't consider 'proper', which is to say they allow the public to vote, in spite of the fact that the public have already voted for their favourite single once by actually buying and streaming the songs. It'll be an interesting vote — Ed Sheeran aside there are no nominees with wildly out of control fanbases, so we could actually be looking at a reasonably fair battle. We reckon that battle will be between Bronson, Smith and Sheeran; 'Uptown Funk' might lose out because voters don't think it's British enough, which means another Ed vs Sam faceoff. Ed Sheeran could win this one. (Having said this, 'Rather Be' is the only million-selling single on the shortlist, so it might sneak round the back and win.)
MASTERCARD BRITISH ALBUM OF THE YEAR
Alt‑J — This Is All Yours
Ed Sheeran — X
George Ezra — Wanted On Voyage
Royal Blood — Royal Blood
Sam Smith — In The Lonely Hour
Who should win: Ed Sheeran.
Who will win: We're saying a draw between Ed Sheeran and Sam Smith. There hasn't been a good draw at the Brits for ages. If they won't allow a draw we reckon they'll declare Ed the winner.
BRITISH ARTIST VIDEO OF THE YEAR
Calvin Harris — Summer
Charli XCX — Boom Clap
Duke Dumont ft Jax Jones — I Got U
Ed Sheeran — Thinking Out Loud
Mark Ronson ft Bruno Mars — Uptown Funk
One Direction — You And I
Rita Ora — I Will Never Let You Down
Route 94 ft Jess Glynne — My Love
Sam Smith — Stay With Me
Sigma — Nobody to Love
Who should win: We desperately want to say that Charli XCX should win a Brit this year but the 'Boom Clap' video was shit so we're picking 'Uptown Funk', which is a total masterpiece.
Who will win: This is another 'leave it to the fans while we concentrate on the proper categories' job — the winner will be "identified during live social vote during TV broadcast on 25th February", but the vote's already taking place with the aim of whittling down the shortlist. For this reason we'd suggest a three horse race involving One Direction, Ed Sheeran and maybe Rita Ora, with One Direction's video winning due to pier pressure. (Actually looking at that voting page, is it already in order of who's getting the most votes? If it is, One Direction are already winning.)
INTERNATIONAL MALE SOLO ARTIST
Beck
Hozier
Jack White
John Legend
Pharrell Williams
Who should win: We'll be happy with anyone except Jack White. Anyone. Even Beck.
Who will win: Pharrell.
INTERNATIONAL FEMALE SOLO ARTIST
Beyoncé
Lana Del Rey
Sia
St Vincent
Taylor Swift
Who should win: This is the best shortlist of the lot. Taylor Swift to win.
Who will win: Taylor Swift.
INTERNATIONAL GROUP
5 Seconds of Summer
The Black Keys
First Aid Kit
Foo Fighters
The War On Drugs
Who should win: In terms of the act whose album we'd happily sit through again this'll have to be 5 Seconds Of Summer, but we reckon they'll probably be more deserving of a win in 2017.
Who will win: People who vote for the Brits are the sort of people who like Foo Fighters, aren't they?
GLOBAL SUCCESS AWARD
(No shortlist here — this one's announced on the night.)
Who should win: Charli XCX. Come on you fuckers, show some respect to the planet's greatest popstar.
Who will win: Is it cynical to think of this as the 'sorry you didn't win enough other awards' award? Basically if Sam Smith sweeps the board Ed Sheeran will get it, and if Ed Sheeran gets everything else then Sam Smith will win. And they've both achieved a huge amount of global success so fair play etc.
BRITISH PRODUCER OF THE YEAR
Alison Goldfrapp & Will Gregory
Flood
Jake Gosling
Paul Epworth
Who should win: Eppo.
Who will win: Only four nominees here which seems a bit rude. Jake Gosling will win, presumably.
CRITICS' CHOICE
James Bay
George The Poet
Years & Years
Who should have won: Years & Years, who should also win every single category next year for this song alone.
Who did win: James Bay — a sober reminder that the influence of Fearne Cotton should never be underestimated.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is that.
Bookmark this page and come back on the night of the Brits to see how we did, but be quick because we're definitely going to come back and change all our predictions so that it looks like we knew what we were talking about.
And if you're a popstar and you don't win, don't worry — the award this year is totally revolting and will look ridiculous on your mantelpiece.