Hold onto your hats:
» Eddy Grant is annoyed that Gorillaz' 'Stylo' sounds a bit like his old song 'Time Warp'. (NME) Surely we can't be alone in thinking that while 'Stylo' is a great tune the world would be a far better place if the new Gorillaz single sounded more like this.
» The Mirror have a story about Joe McElderry (seemingly replaced by a Terminator) being surprised to find two fans in the boot of his car. (Mirror) Let's hope he doesn't look in Simon Cowell's boot — that's where the bodies of 4Tune can be found.
» Dr Fox considers last Friday's Eurovision selection show Your Country Needs You to be a "shambles". (Digital Spy) He's right — it was utter shit from beginning to end.
» Tom from Keane is a golf fan. (The Sun)
» Marvin from JLS is a fan of Lily Allen's breasts. (The Sun)
» Michael Jackson's family have done a deal with Sony — reportedly worth $200m — for ten album projects over the next ten years. One will include unreleased material. (BBC News) Do you reckon there's any chance that most of the others will be hits collections all of whose tracklists will be variations on the same twenty songs?
» Benny and Anni-Frid from Abba have picked up the band's US Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame honour. (BBC News)
» Quite good 'outfit' The National have announced a new album — 'High Violet' is out in May. (NME)
» And finally, don't panic - Susan Boyle will not be moving to London. (Mirror) A sad day for fans of Scottish singers moving to London. A very sad day indeed.
And that's your lot.