We went to the Smirnoff 'UR The Night' thing at Matter last Friday. It was a combination of The Worst Night Out Of All Time (there was an incident with inflatable electric guitars, captured in the worst YouTube clip of all time, and the omnipresent branding made the V Festival look like subs please insert name of non-corporate festival here cheers) and The Best Night Out Of All Time (the music was v good) which we suppose makes it The Most Average Night Out Of All Time, which seems a little lacking in conviction but that's mathematics for you we are afraid. The best thing was that instead of being a proper headlining slot the Pet Shop Boys set was basically a megamix. A MEGAMIX! Imagine how much less tedious festivals would be if every set was a 23-minute medley. You could get Glastonbury done by Saturday afternoon and be home in time for the Lottery results.